Funny Stuff

Well if you like funny jokes, you should visit my joke site at The Sutra http://jokes.sutradirectory.com/.

I am compliling some of the funniest jokes I have read and thought it would be nice to share with you all.

The problem with most joke sites is that they use a joke dump database and well more that half of them are just a waste of time to read.

So the jokes that you will find on my site are ones that practically had me rolling.

One of my favorite from the lot

My husband, being unhappy with my mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able to monitor my moods.

We’ve discovered that when I’m in a good mood, it turns green. And, when I’m in a bad mood, it leaves a big frickin’ red mark on his forehead.

Maybe next time he’ll buy me a diamond.

True Telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the world.

And now i know what the tech support people hate their jobs.

I was into software support for my team and it was hell to explain them simple installation procedures but after reading this, i am counting my lucky stars.

People and their experience with computers, probably first sight.

Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have?
Customer: A white one…

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Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can’t get my diskette out.
Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, but it’s really stuck.
Helpdesk: That doesn’t sound good; I’ll make a note …
Customer: No … wait a minute… I hadn’t inserted it yet… it’s still on my desk… sorry ……

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Helpdesk: Click on the ‘my computer’ icon on to the left of ! the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

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Helpdesk: Good day. How may I help you?

Male customer : Hello… I can’t print.
Helpdesk: Would you click on start for me and …
Customer: Listen pal; don’t start getting technical on me! I’m not Bill Gates damn it!

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Hi good afternoon, this is Martha, I can’t print. Every time I try it says ‘Can’t find printer’. I’ve even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can’t find it…

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Customer: I have problems printing in red…
Helpdesk: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: No.

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Helpdesk: What’s on your monitor now ma’am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me in the supermarket.

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Helpdesk: And now hit F8.
Customer: It’s not working.
Helpdesk: What did you do, exactly?
Customer: I hit the F-key 8-times as you told me, but nothing’s happening…

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Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Helpdesk: Are you sure it’s plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can’t get behind the computer.
Helpdesk: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Helpdesk: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Helpdesk: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there’s another one here. Ah…that one does work!

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Helpdesk: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in! Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

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A customer couldn’t get on the internet.
Helpdesk: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes I’m sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Helpdesk: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

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Helpdesk: What antivirus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Helpdesk: That’s not an antivirus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry…Internet Explorer.

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Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screensaver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears!

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Helpdesk: Microsoft Tech. Support, may I help you?
Customer: Good afternoon! I have waited over ! 4 hours for you. Can you please tell me how long it will take before you can help me?
Helpdesk: Uhh..? Pardon, I don’t understand your problem?
Customer: I was working in Word and clicked the help button more than 4 hours ago. Can you tell me when you will finally be helping me?

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Helpdesk: How may I help you?
Customer: I’m writing my first e-mail.
Helpdesk: OK, and, what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter a, but how do I get the circle around it?

(38 votes, average: 4.84 out of 5)

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children.

“You all have obsessions,” he observed.

To the first mother, Mary, he said, “You are obsessed with eating.
You’ve even named your daughter Candy.”

He turned to the second Mom, Ann: “Your obsession is with money.Again, it manifests itself in your child’s name, Penny.”

He turned to the third Mom, Joyce: “Your obsession is alcohol. This too shows itself in your child’s name, Brandy.”

At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, quietly got up, took her little boy by the hand and whispered, “Come on, Dick, we’re leaving.”